You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
