I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
