I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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