Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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