sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mom said you looked used
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
