Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
