Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
