All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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