I can tuck mytits in my pants
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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