The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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