I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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