ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
