my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
