just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
