You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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