My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize