Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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