Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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