I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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