God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
