drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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