It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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