I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
