CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
