just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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