Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
