i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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