Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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