these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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