Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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