What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
