capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
