well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
