i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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