babies were throwing up all over the place
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
