haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
