Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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