Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
