he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just had sex on a roof
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
