The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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