i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
