I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
