THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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