you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize