Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
