So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
