Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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