It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
