I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
