I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize