I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
