I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
