dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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