I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
