we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
