Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
