Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
