Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
