I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
