I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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