the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize