Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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