y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
