I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
