Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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