awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
