Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
