I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
