I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
