are you so shy because you have an std?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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