You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
