I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
