i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize