Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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