Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
