Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
