i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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