He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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