arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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