it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize