She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
